We asked several people to speak at the wedding, but we left it entirely up to them what they spoke about. We both wore formal Indian clothing (a sari, kurta/churidar), the minister wore flowing robes, and many of the guests wore Indian outfits too.
The major participants -- us, family, and friends who were to speak,
were seated in the front row.
The minister stood up and welcomed everyone.
The ceremony started with Bach played on the piano.
The minister then asked the invited speakers to begin.
Frank, a lab colleague of mine, gave a speech about the activities and action of the three years he'd known us, and succeeded in embarrassing us by bringing up a number of unfortunate episodes of the past.
Venky, P's college-mate and cousin, pointed out that one of the last bastions of bachelorhood had finally fallen, and that it was incumbent upon all the guests to celebrate the occasion. He also compared the institution of marriage to that of the state of Texas, both of which hit periodic recessions but invariably return to their former prosperity.
Sarab, a faculty colleague of P's, read a piece from Kahlil Gibran about the necessity of preserving some separation of identities in a marriage. ``The oak tree and the cypress live not in each others' shadow''.
Mini and Itty, also invited speakers, were
unfortunately delayed by their attempts to resuscitate one of the
other guests, who had partied not wisely but too well at the previous
night's barbeque. Rumour has it that Mini was planning to read from
the Kama Sutra, and Itty an ode to cold lassi by Nissim Ezekiel.
The minister invited us up to the dais.
Minister:
We are gathered here today to unite S and P in marriage. It is appropriate that you, the families and friends of P and S, be here to witness and to participate in their wedding. The ideals, the understanding and the mutual respect which they bring to their marriage have their roots in the love, friendship and guidance which you have given them.(P looked stunned. I waited for him to speak first, ever the bharatiya nari, but when only silence was forthcoming, I said `Yes, it is', and nudged him. P said likewise. Later research indicates that his earlier silence was due not to last-minute doubts, but to slow recuperation from the excesses of the night before.)It is one of life's richest surprises when the accidental meeting of two life paths leads them to proceed together along the common path of husband and wife, and it is one of life's finest experiences when a casual relationship grows into a permanent bond of love. This meeting and this growth bring us here today. You are about to enter into a union which is one of the most profound of human relationships. Your lives will be bound together so closely and so intimately that no longer will you think in terms of `I', but in terms of `We'. Knowing this, is it your intention to be here joined together as husband and wife?
Do you, P, accept S as your wife to love, support and respect her, to perceive her needs and fulfill them as you can?(P, now well into the spirit of the thing, said firmly `I do.')
Do you, S, accept P as your husband to love, support and respect him, to perceive his needs and fulfill them as you can?(Impressed by P's determination, I said `I do'.)
From a poem by John Cavanaugh, in his book `Shouting Down Silent Canyons':
I want to walk with you above the pines,
Scale mountains, leap rivers, speak to the sun and moon,
And make wagers with the stars.
I want to roll laughing down lonely canyons,
To tease the desert that threatens to destroy, ski deserted trails,
Ride dirt bikes to the very edge of the lingering horizon,
I want to sail across strange seas and explore buried cities,
To watch the mating of the whales in a Mexican lagoon,
And hear the music of coyotes resound across a moonless sky.
I want to startle deer in forests and mountain lions in their lairs,
To surprise bold racoons and watch the porcupines waddle away
Like embarrassed little boys.
But most of all I want to love without barriers,
With eyes laughing and hearts singing
And caution abandoned to the clouds by a friendly west wind.
I want to feel your presence as my very own, to speak to you as though
I am talking to myself, to hold you without fear or distance
Or private thoughts.
So I can walk with you above the pines, scale mountains, leap rivers
Speak to the sun and moon
And make wagers with the stars.
P & S, this ceremony of marriage which I have the honor to conduct is especially meaningful to me, just as I know it is meaningful to all of you. For me, as a minister, there is no ceremony that gives me greater joy and fulfillment than this unique and beautiful service of marriage. There is magic involved in the beauty of this moment, even though we know that there is no entry in any heavenly ledger, nor are any unbreakable theological bonds cast around you.Yet, we have come together to recognize the magical, invisible web which love has spun between your hearts. As a married couple, your task will be to add constantly to those delicate binding strands of love. This task is never easy. And so I would have you remember these things:
First, never try to improve upon your partner; rather, improve upon yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you will know your own faults.
Second, remember that love is never given on demand. Only by freely giving love, with no strings attached, does one receive love.
Third, the old rules of courtesy and etiquette have grown up through the centuries of human experience. Follow those rules and treat your partner with the same loving kindness and respect that you would show a guest in your home.
Fourth, fight fairly. Marriage depends on open and honest disputation. When you have been hurt, don't bottle up your anger, but let it out, then and there. Such honesty and candour may hurt, but the hurt is only temporary and well worth the trust and openness that grows therefrom. To swallow your hurt is an all-too-common mistake, for the hurt will eventually be expressed in various and devious cruelties.
And finally, never stop touching. We came into this world and were promptly cradled in our mothers' arms. We never outgrow the basic human need to be held and caressed, whether man or woman, young or old. Touching is as essential to our spiritual nourishment as food and drink are to our physical nourishment. In holding one another, you will become all the more human, all the more fulfilled and strengthened against the rigours of living in a modern, changing, and impersonal world.
And so, P and S, by expressing your private vows before this company, you have become husband and wife. For as much as P and S have consented together in wedlock, and have given and pledged their vows each to the other, and having declared the same by giving and receiving rings and by joining hands, I by the authority vested in me by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the State of Texas, do now pronounce that they are husband and wife.
An old Apache poem:
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your togetherness,
And may your days be good, and long together.
[Important note: costs. You really don't have to spend a lot for a wedding. Nor do you have to have caterers and professional photographers and all that, unless you want to and can afford it. We spent about $2500, but it fed and housed about 25 people for the weekend, and 80 people for the day of the wedding. Our clothes were gifts from our parents, and a nice cousin brought two lovely vases of flowers. My father took photos. Some guests gave us a beer keg as a wedding present at the beach house we had rented for the post-wedding party.]