My husband and I were married in January 1996 in Calcutta. We were both against the idea of having a traditional vedic marriage with rituals such as the kanyadanam and panigrahanam. At the same time, we wanted a wedding that would be sacred and reflect our views on marriage. For a long time before we got married, I had considered writing my own wedding script. When I first suggested it to my family, I got back mixed responses but my brother who had gone through a traditional ceremony, strongly encouraged me to go ahead with the project. So we wrote a script that eventually, everyone liked.
If there was anything we really want our script to reflect, it was our commitment as equal partners in the relationship and our deep affection and love for our families. Here is a summary of what we wrote. The script itself is below.
We began with both of us thanking God for the gift of wonderful parents, siblings and friends. Next our parents blessed us and wished us health, wealth and happiness. Each set of parents then told their daughter/son-in-law to be that they were entrusting their son/daughter in the other's hands and welcomed the newcomer into the family. We also had my brother and sister-in-law and his sister give us their good wishes. Then, we heard from the person who conducted the wedding, in our case, my aunt, about what marriage means and entails. She then asked us if were ready for marriage and upon our assent she asked us to exchange garlands and take our vows. Both my husband and I then turned to each other and proclaimed what marriage meant to us and made a vow to stand by each other in good times and bad times. Finally, we exchanged symbols of marriage, the traditional mangalsutra for me and a ring for him.
When we were writing the script we wondered what language to write the script in. Since I am a Tamilian and my husband is a Bengali, a common language was not easy to come upon. Finally we decided on Sanskrit, both to avoid anyone being offended and to give the script more sanctity. Everyone was given a copy of the script (including the audience) and a translation line by line.The ceremony was conducted with my aunt reading the script and the person whose turn it was, repeating after her. The script may sound formal in places but this was done deliberately to assist in the translation into Sanskrit.
We had originally planned not to have a priest at all. But because we were registered under the 'Hindu Marriage Act' for reasons beyond my control, we had to go through the 'saptapadi' as part of the ceremony. ( This is actually, the one part that I really like from the traditional Vedic ceremony. The gist of it is that the husband and wife take seven steps together as friends and partners for health, wealth, happiness, children etc.) A priest had to be called in to perfom this part and with a lot of grumbling he did participate and perform this part. My recommendation is that if you are writing something on your own that is completely different, you are better off not calling in a priest at all. They hate to see themselves relegated to a technical necessity.
Here is the actual script. My husband and I are referred to as 'S' and 'R' respectively. The rest is easy to follow.
S and R: We thank God for the gift of life, for the gift of loving parents and the gift of caring siblings.
R's parents: We thank God for the gift of our loving daughter.
S's parents: We thank God for the gift of our loving son.
R and S: Dear parents, we seek your blessings in our journey together as partners in life.
R's and S's parents:
We bless you that you may have a harmonious married life.
May your lives be filled with happiness and contentment.
May you fill others' lives with happiness.
May you have good health.
May you have a long life.
May you have strong and healthy children.
May you be loving and caring parents.
May you be like the two wings of a bird.
May you be like the two oars of a boat.
May your lives be as bright as the sun.
May your lives be as gentle as the moon.
May your lives be as vibrant as the seas.
May you be kind to the helpless, the old and the weak.
May you be strong and hold your heads high.
May you be united and face the world together.
May you be generous and give more than you take.
May you live in harmony with nature and protect your environment.
S's parents: R, you are marrying our son today. Look after him and stand by him at all times. You are now a part of our family.
R: Yes, mother and father. I will be a loving and caring wife. I will support him in all his efforts. I am happy to be a part of the family.
R's parents: S, you are marrying our daughter today. Look after her and stand by her at all times. You are now a part of our family.
S: Yes, mother and father. I will be a loving and caring husband. I will support her in all her efforts. I am happy to be a part of the family.
R's brother and sister-in-law: Dear S, you are marrying our sister today. Be a strong and loving companion to her. We pray that you have a harmonious married life. May you be blessed with good health and prosperity. May you be respectful of all religions. Welcome to our family.
S: Dear brother and sister, I will be a loving and caring husband to R. I am happy to be a part of the family.
S's sister: Dear R, you are marrying my brother today. Be a strong and loving companion to him. I pray that you have a harmonious married life. May you be blessed with health and wealth. May you both live long. Welcome to our family.
R: Dear sister, I will be a loving and caring wife to S. I am happy to a part of the family.
Acharya: Let us begin the ceremony with a prayer. (My aunt recited shlokas of her choice).
Acharya: S and R, you have both assembled here to marry each other and commit to a long life of partnership. Marriage means loving, caring and sharing in joy and in sorrow. Marriage is a commitment of friendship and support to each other and each others' families. Are you both willing to make this commitment?
R and S: Yes.
Acharya: As a symbol of acceptance of each other as husband and wife, exchange these garlands.
R: S, I take you to be my husband with love. Today you have become my best friend and companion for life. I will walk with you in our journey together in joy and sorrow. I will share with you my thoughts, feelings and hopes. With this marriage, let us come together in mind and in spirit.
S: R, I take you to be my wife with love. I promise to be your sincere companion for life. May our life together be harmonious. I will stand with you at all times. I will share with you my thoughts, feelings and hopes. Let us begin this new phase of our life with joy and understanding.
(We then accepted a symbol of marriage from each other. Thereafter, the priest took over and conducted the saptapadi. After lunch, people reassembled in the wedding hall where we had readings from the Gita, the Koran and the Bible. We had asked our parents' friends to read the verses for us. Unfortunately, I do not have copies of the actual verses that were recited.)