Ameena Meer writes about making the decision to divorce or end a relationship.

breaking up is hard to do

Ameena Meer

here's what i suggest - though it's easier said than done.

tell the guy what you want from him (electronically, if you want to).

let him know you love him. but that you have to love yourself.

and tell him that if and when he can play by your rules, to let you know -

but that this is a limited time offer and his time is running out.

and then, walk out. mentally, physically, whatever.

but tell yourself that you are the one making the decision. not him.

because feeling rejected is part of what makes it hard.

so forget that he's cut off all contact because men are generally weakwilled

and he'll probably call you one night at two because he's feeling lonely or

sorry.

and what you have to remember is that you walked out on him.

and it's probably one of the hardest things to do. and just like giving up

smoking or junk food or drinking coffee or whatever, the longer you've been

together the harder, it is.

and the beginning is the hardest.

so i suggest you hit the gym (in my case, i've been taking pilates. body

control can be very reassuring. yoga and meditation are good too).

and there are those great endorphins.

and use all your friends as diversion tactics as much as you can. go out to

movies, go out to dinner, go out to parties.

i find a little bit of retail therapy helps me - though with 3 kids in nyc,

god knows i can't do too much, on the other hand, there are discount stores

all over the place, like syms and the burlington coat factory where if you

look really hard you can find some great calvin klein and armani stuff.

i buy something that looks fantastic on me (and you look better since you've

been exercising too and if you haven't, there are always shoes and handbags)

and something that's a bit more than i can afford and sort of luxurious but

that makes me really happy.

and that's maybe a bit silly.

the other thing i do, when i'm really depressed - this sounds so bourgeois

but it does work - i help out in a soup kitchen or the children's shelter or

just help out people in the street (silly things like helping a woman carry

a stroller down the subway stairs, give a homeless person a sandwich,

holding the door for someone with bags, whatever).

sometimes, it helps to call a friend or acquaintance who's in dire straits

and offer to help out or give them moral support.

and if you've got kids, sometimes just hanging out with them brings you

smack back into reality.

and then you realize what a small problem yours really is.

This is edited from a Sawnet post with the author's permission. Any possible lack of context is due to the absence of the other posts in the thread.