Divorce

Marriage and Family Therapy

• Counsellors, psychiatrists, social workers and mental health professionals who are culture-sensitive. This list was compiled by Trikone-Tejas primarily for gay/lesbian counselling, but most of the counsellors are South Asian, and many are family therapists.
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy offers a FAQ and a Consumer's Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy, and can help you locate a therapist in the US, Canada or overseas.
• Help on how to choose a psychiatrist, from the American Psychiatric Association. They provide local contacts in the US to obtain a referral.
• When to see a psychiatrist

Mediation

• What is divorce counselling and when might it be useful?
• Academy of Family Mediators can help you locate a mediator in the US and in a few other countries.

Children and Divorce

• In Oct 2000, Judith Wallerstein published The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, which followed a study group of children of divorced parents for 25 years. She concluded that children of divorce are hit hardest after they grow up.
  Salon article about the book
  More about the book and authors, including an excerpt.
  An interesting discussion on Wallerstein's book, as well as Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher's The Case for Marriage, in Slate.

  Time cover story on children and divorce

  The Effects of Divorce on Children. An academic paper by Robert Hughes, Ohio State University.

  Divorce Matters: A Child's View. Article by Lesia Oesterreich, a Family Life Extension Specialist at Iowa State University, discussing what parents can do to make divorce easier for children. From the National Network for Child Care

  The Effects of Divorce on Children. Article by Karen DeBord, Ph.D. Child Development Specialist. From the National Network for Child Care

  FAQ on finding a psychiatrist to help your child cope with divorce, from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

  Helping children understand divorce by Sara Gable.

  Child Custody Issues, in the FAQ.

  Child Support Issues, in the FAQ.

Self-Help

• coping.org contains 'toolkits' that you can work through. e.g. the relationship toolkit helps you deal with anger.
• Divorcecare.com explains why a support group might be useful, and can help you find a group in the US.

Newsclips/Articles

• Single Rebound. Some Indians are opting to stay single the second time around. Article in Little India.
• Muslim board gets rid of triple talaq. Times of India, 28 June 2004.
• South Carolina court upholds mother's custody in the Patel divorce case. 25 May 2004.
• Judgement on Christian divorce is a step in the right direction. Times of India, 12 May 1997.
• Determinants of divorce in a traditional Muslim community in Bangladesh. PDF article in Demographic Research.
• A proposed bill on the removal of ceiling on monthly maintenance payable to Indian women.... Frontline, July 2001.
• Delhi City court rules that breach of promise to marry is a crime. The judge says "A woman spurned by a man is a victim".... The Newspaper Today, 4 July 01.
• Marriage rules undergo a change among immigrants. Lavina Melwani in Little India.
• Asian forced marriages to be outlawed in Britain. Telegraph, 18 Jun 00.
• Children by second wife entitled to pension. Hindustan Times, Jan 31, 2000. The Indian Supreme Court has ruled that children from a second marriage are entitled to their shares in the family pension after the death of their father even if his first wife is alive. The case involved a man who married twice in contravention of the Hindu Marriage Act.
• Alimony verdict in Bangladesh means that divorced women will get alimony only for 3 months and 13 days after the divorce.
• A study of divorce in rural Bangladesh from the UN Population Program Journal. (no info about divorce laws)

Nonfiction

• Emerging Voices : South Asian American Women Redefine Self, Family and Community, edited by Sangeeta Gupta, 1999. Papers from a conference held in LA in 95, which include a chapter on marriage and divorce. [Review by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni in India Today] [Article about the conference on Rediff]
• Incidence of Divorce among Indian Muslims, by MM Siddiqi.
• Divorce and Muslim women. By S.A.H. Moinuddin, 2000.
• The Impact of Divorce on Men and Women in India and The United States. Amato, P.R. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 25, 207 (1994).
• Divorce in Indian Society: A Sociological Study of Marriage Disruption and Role Adjustmen. by J.N. Choudhary. Printwell Publishers, Jaipur.
• Family Law: Law of Marriage and Divorce in India, by Paras Diwan. Sterling, India, 1983.
• Legal Rights of Hindu Women in Marriage and Divorce, by Rabia Bhuiyan. 1986. Can be ordered from Women for Women, 1/2 Sukrabad, Dhaka 1207, BANGLADESH.

Fiction

• Aapka Banti, by Mannu Bhandari. One of the earliest books on this theme. Originally in Hindi, translated into English by Jai Rattan, 1983. The narrator is a child who tells us about his parents' divorce -- all the tensions, fights that go on, mother's relationship with another man, and neighbours' comments on his mother. It centers on divorce effects on a child, but is all about a man and woman going through divorce as well.
• Ancient Promises, by Jaishree Misra. A semi-autobiographical story about a woman's journey of escape from an unpleasant marriage.
• The Bride Wore Red, by Robbie Clipper Sethi. A collection of short stories, one of which -- 'Grace' -- is about an American woman married to a Sikh. Grace cannot handle her in-laws' constant intrusions into her privacy.
• The Fire Sacrifice, by Susham Bedi. The protagonists' daughter, Atima, goes through tensions in her marriage and decides to separate.
• The God of Small Things, by Arundhati Roy. Ammu, the twin's mother, is divorced from their father, and they live on sufferance in Ammu's family home. See the page about Roy for parallels with her life and her mother's, and Divorce in GOST, a page from Emory U.
• Incantations, by Anjana Appachana. A collection of short stories, one of which is about an American woman who gets divorced because she cannot abide by her Indian in-laws' expectations.
• Intimacy, by Hanif Kureishi. A chillingly candid description of/by a man walking out on his wife and children.
• Love and Longing in Bombay, by Vikram Chandra. One story is about Sartaj Singh, a Bombay policeman who is going through a divorce.
• A Matter of Time, by Shashi Deshpande
• Memories of Rain, by Sunetra Gupta. The protagonist leaves her husband to go back to her native Calcutta.
• My Feudal Lord, by Tehmina Durrani.
• A New World, by Amit Chaudhuri. Jayojit Chatterjee, an Indian economist teaching at a university in the United States, is the central character. A year after his (nasty, involving a custody battle) divorce he returns to Calcutta with his young son, Vikram (nicknamed Bonny), to visit his parents for a few months... [Lots of reviews]
• Paro, by Namita Gokhale. The title character has a divorce, and most of the book is set in Paro's single, post-divorce years.
• Love, Stars and All That, by Kirin Narayan. This charming book features an Indian woman graduate student at Berkeley who survives marriage and divorce.
• Sister of my heart, by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. One of the main characters suffers oppression by her in-laws.
• What was Always Hers, by Uma Parameswaran. The title story is about two women and a divorce.

Films

Still from Drown Soda

• Astitva, directed by Mahesh Manjrekar Starring: Tabu, Sachin Khedekar, Mohnish Behl, Namrata Shirodkar.
• A Nice Arrangement. Directed by Gurinder Chadha. Set in the London home of an Indian family on the morning of their daughter's wedding, A Nice Arrangement takes a wry look at the most prominent Indian obsession -- marriage. Meena, the young bride, changes into her traditional bridal gear with the help of her divorced friend, Sita. Together, the women explore why they chose to marry the "perfect" cultural choice for their parents.
• Drown Soda, directed by Nisha Ganatra. deals with the life of a young girl, whose parents get divorced. Her father is Indian, mother is American. The mother has custody of their two children, and the father's interaction with his daughter is limited to a few arranged meetings, making it a traumatic experience for both. The film goes on to show the father and daughter rebuild their relationship. [The director's own website]

Divorce Statistics

• Divorce statistics in India. Data gathered from the Indian Census including the '91 census.
• Divorce Statistics in America from the Americans for Divorce Reform, a group that is dedicated to eradicating 'no-fault' divorce and wants to make it harder to divorce.
• In Sri Lanka, 0.15 of 1000 marriages end in divorce. From The Miami Herald, 1998.
• Divorce on the rise among IT professionals in India, according to the Times of India, 23 Dec 2000. (no stats, though).
• 5000 divorces in Haryana each year, (out of a population of 17 million). According to the Tribune, (12 Dec 2000) this is the highest rate in India.
• Check the United Nations Demographic Yearbook. Also Report on the World Social Situation.
• Divorce statistics for the US, and some dubious world statistics

Links